Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Good Grief

Student: (Waving his wildly to gain my attention) Uh excuse me, can you help me over here?

Me: Sure (I walk over to the computer station he is working at)

S: Yeah, uh, this part here (pointing to the computer screen), does that mean I didn't accept it?

M: You mean the thing that says "Accepted?"

S: Yeah.

M: No, that would mean that you accepted it.

S: Oh ok, just checking.

M: ...

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Back at it again

It has been a while since I have had one of these goofy stories, so I hope you enjoy this one.

I had just come back stepping out of the office when the girl I work with was helping a student try to figure out why her application had been rejected. See if you can figure out why the students name didn't match her social before she can:

Girl I Work With: Ok so she has two social security cards, each with different names, which one should she use?

Me: Ma'am, what is the correct name?

Student: Well, I was married to Green, but I divorced him. Then I married Johnson, but I divorced him too.

Me: Ok, what is your legal name?

Student: Well its Johnson, but I'm changing it to my maiden name, Dingleberry.

Me: That's fine, but what is your legal name, on file with the Social Security Administration?

Student: Oh its Johnson.

Me: Ok well then you need to use that name, with your social and fill out a new application.

Student: Oh ok.

(She sits at the computer and starts filling out the application)

Student: Oh I think I figured what had happened, I used my boy friends Social to log into the FAFSA!

Me: ...

Just for you keeping track at home, that three last names, three different men, two social security numbers and one major headache.

Friday, August 5, 2011

Names Names Names


Saturday, July 16, 2011

An Idiots Guide to: Understanding Financial Aid Students

In the three years that I have been working in financial aide, I have grown accustomed to sifting through vague generalizations, slight hints and at times, full on bullshit. Full disclosure, I do work in the shadier part of town, and it does tend to skew the results.  Allow me to demonstrate:

"How do I get a Pell Grant?"

Translation: I don't really have an interest in education, but I do like free money. So gimme gimme.

"I tried to log in last night and fill out the forms  but I got stuck. Do you think you can help me?"

Translation: I was lazy and didn't feel like doing it. Can you do it for me?

"I haven't been able to work the last few years"

Translation: I have been in prison for the last few years and the IRS does not consider cigarettes as taxable income.

"I haven't filed taxes the last few years."

Translation: I am a drug dealer and have elected not to report my income.

"When does my leftover money get to me? I've got like, books and things I need to buy."

Translation: It's seriously not here yet? I've been waiting for weeks to get a new phone.

"I am having an issue with my instructor."

Translation: I am failing and in no possible way is it my fault. 

"My instructor is being unreasonable."

Translation: My paper was due Monday but I turned it in on Wednesday. The "no late paper's" policy she outlined weeks ago in the syllabus is completely unreasonable.

Friday, July 8, 2011

What's in a Derp?

Just another bunch of silly names



Wednesday, June 29, 2011

The colors Duke, the colors!

Student: I was wondering if you could help me with this over here?

Me: Sure

(On the screen, is a listing of all financial aid that he has been awarded. Alternating lines are shaded blue to make it easier for students to track the individual awards across the screen.)

S: Okay so whats the difference between whats in blue and whats not?

M: There is no difference between the two, we just shade it that way so it's easier to follow.

S: Oh Okay. Now this unsubsidized loan, that's the one I don't have to pay back right?

M: No. Anything that is a loan, you will have to pay back.

S: Okay so loans I pay back, grants I don't.

M: Correct.

S: Okay so do I have to pay back this Student Grant?

M: No, its a grant you don't have to pay that back.

S: Oh oh oh ok ok. So it says here I need to act on all the awards, do they just mean the blue ones?

M: No. Ignore the blue shading, it has no affect on your financial aide.

S: Oh ok. So just accept them?

M: Yes.

Friday, June 24, 2011

Whats in a Name

St Jepan